Why I Don’t Know What To Do With My Life


Everyone has passions, hobbies, careers, etc…. a slew of a whole broad field of things that make a person decide what they want to do and how to live their lives. I am about to graduate from college with a Bachelor’s in Chemistry and the concentrations of Philosophy, Wine, Pharmaceuticals and Programming quite under my belt (concentrations/strengths). I have worked a year for Johnson and Johnson doing programming and strategic operations. I have been an office administrator and a research assistant in a Nanomaterials Spectroscopy Lab. I love the wine and food industry, and I am a people person that lives for the outdoors and the good life. So in my point of view at the moment…. WHAT THE HELL am I supposed to do with my life. I could have taken my job offer and slowly gotten my master’s and worked, but I had a funny feeling that wasn’t what I should do recently. I could go to Master’s/PhD programs and spend another many years of my life locked up in a lab programming and doing chemistry. I could start my path towards a career in the wine industry building my way up to opening a vineyard some day. There is so much in my brain I feel I could do. I have created this path and worked my ass off endlessly to reach the place I need to get to. But I am lost. So what do you do… People keep telling me that my life is easy but it is not. I would love for people to understand what goes on in my brain, but that can never happen and no one will see these inner conflictions I have on a daily basis with myself. So how do I go about dealing with this? I get it. I shouldn’t be troubled and maybe people think my life is easy, but I guarantee you it is not.

Within all this struggle I do know what I need to do. I need to go to PhD school and finish my research and work towards my life as a computational chemist. I don’t want to go to school for 5-6 more years but my life would be meaningless if I didn’t in my eyes. People have always told me everything comes easy for me, yes, but that also piles a weight on your shoulders that is very heavy to handle. My parents tell me they will support me whatever I do, but I know they would be very disappointed if I didn’t follow through with my original plan.

Everyone always says to do what you love, and I do love being a chemist. I guess there is that inner something inside of me that needs to see the light. Needs to see that even though I’d love to keep an easier path and a less demanding life, that I cannot. And I will get past this. Sometimes it is just hard to see the end of the road when it takes so much work. But I will not give up on what I started. I will stay strong and do whatever it takes because even though I feel broken, and tired and rundown, I will become the person I set out to be.

Everyone should always stay strong and never give up. There will always be no’s and times when you are turned down, sometimes there are reasons for these things. Sometimes you need to learn new life lessons to realize what you need. Never take the easy way out. And never back down.

So I leave with this message of my venting session. Cheers, and never give up. Anyone can do ANYTHING they put their mind to.



Let’s talk about this word. EMPOWERMENT. People use it loosely and not enough. I believe it is a force of a word that fuels you to create your world. It is to create your own strength in life, work, love, spirit and everything that makes up oneself.

Too many people walk around doubting themselves and I believe this is a travesty. (one of my favorite words, btw.)

I have had my fair share of low life moments and feeling as though you are nothing and useless, but along the way of becoming who I really am and not wanting to change that for anything, I have learned a few things.

One of the biggest things I have learned is that people are never thinking what you think they are. No one invests so much thought into the minor details that you can see in yourself. So move on. Do not dwell in your thoughts an do not allow another person’s glare or movement, because half the time, people are in their own head thinking about their own problems.

Once you can get over this, you have so much time to be happy. SO MUCH TIME. You can spend the entire day working on positivity and selflessness. Being good to yourself mentally and physically in the best way is empowerment. You don’t realize how little bad things affect you until you give the good things a true and honest try.

Eating healthy and working out is one of the first steps to empowerment. Now everyone can bitch and yell that they want to eat bad and they don’t care if they are fat and unmotivated… you aren’t being the very best you can be. The human body was not made to eat synthetic and processed things. The body was not made to sit and compound fat. It was made to work, improve the world, see the beauty of life and to have the capability to travel across the world, dance, make love and to provide your mind with a vessel to accomplish greatness.

Going full force one hundred percent at your work and school, whatever it is you do will also allow you to be the happiest you. Go above and beyond. Prove that you are better then the others and that you stand out. Not to be better, but for yourself. Think of ideas and innovations that will be recognized and never be scared to be assertive and dominant.

{To the ladies: I have been called a very intense and controlling person many a times. It is true that men can get away with it more so than women, but never allow that to stop you. Be as strong and confident as a that ‘man’. Shying away will only deter people from listening to you.}

Nothing in this world should ever allow you to feel inferior nor should you allow it. Make a Power Playlist for when you are down. Listen and take breaths and remember that the key to happiness is embettering yourself. Stay present in the moment, and give the people that deserve your time the time, and never ever think you cannot do anything. Because that’s just a bullshit excuse.

There are NO excuses while building your empire.

I will leave you with this quote by my favorite author. And to you all as usual… Cheers, Bitches!

“You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.”

Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft




There are a few things I’ve learned, but one of them is to trust no one. If you do this, then you have nothing to lose, because you expect nothing less. No one to fight for you, no one to truly try to understand and want to help you, nothing. But when you have yourself, who cares, because you get so much more out of life, when you truly love yourself.

Certain people and events start to matter less, become irrelevant and seem like they never even were, and to me, that is an amazing trait of human nature. The allowance to remove emotion from yourself.

Remember that you can always be bigger and better than everyone. You can walk with your head held so high above the sky, no one even questions your actions. You can let people ruin themselves on their own. You can take all negativity, and use it to make yourself even more powerful and strong. More clear and concise, and only LOGICAL.

This is not to say don’t have friends, don’t have fun, I mean come one, that’s what life is about…. but always be on your guard. Even the people that should fight for you, will not sometimes.

So I leave you with this. Keep your head held high, because no matter what, there is always something more and better for you.