Why I Don’t Know What To Do With My Life


Everyone has passions, hobbies, careers, etc…. a slew of a whole broad field of things that make a person decide what they want to do and how to live their lives. I am about to graduate from college with a Bachelor’s in Chemistry and the concentrations of Philosophy, Wine, Pharmaceuticals and Programming quite under my belt (concentrations/strengths). I have worked a year for Johnson and Johnson doing programming and strategic operations. I have been an office administrator and a research assistant in a Nanomaterials Spectroscopy Lab. I love the wine and food industry, and I am a people person that lives for the outdoors and the good life. So in my point of view at the moment…. WHAT THE HELL am I supposed to do with my life. I could have taken my job offer and slowly gotten my master’s and worked, but I had a funny feeling that wasn’t what I should do recently. I could go to Master’s/PhD programs and spend another many years of my life locked up in a lab programming and doing chemistry. I could start my path towards a career in the wine industry building my way up to opening a vineyard some day. There is so much in my brain I feel I could do. I have created this path and worked my ass off endlessly to reach the place I need to get to. But I am lost. So what do you do… People keep telling me that my life is easy but it is not. I would love for people to understand what goes on in my brain, but that can never happen and no one will see these inner conflictions I have on a daily basis with myself. So how do I go about dealing with this? I get it. I shouldn’t be troubled and maybe people think my life is easy, but I guarantee you it is not.

Within all this struggle I do know what I need to do. I need to go to PhD school and finish my research and work towards my life as a computational chemist. I don’t want to go to school for 5-6 more years but my life would be meaningless if I didn’t in my eyes. People have always told me everything comes easy for me, yes, but that also piles a weight on your shoulders that is very heavy to handle. My parents tell me they will support me whatever I do, but I know they would be very disappointed if I didn’t follow through with my original plan.

Everyone always says to do what you love, and I do love being a chemist. I guess there is that inner something inside of me that needs to see the light. Needs to see that even though I’d love to keep an easier path and a less demanding life, that I cannot. And I will get past this. Sometimes it is just hard to see the end of the road when it takes so much work. But I will not give up on what I started. I will stay strong and do whatever it takes because even though I feel broken, and tired and rundown, I will become the person I set out to be.

Everyone should always stay strong and never give up. There will always be no’s and times when you are turned down, sometimes there are reasons for these things. Sometimes you need to learn new life lessons to realize what you need. Never take the easy way out. And never back down.

So I leave with this message of my venting session. Cheers, and never give up. Anyone can do ANYTHING they put their mind to.